I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
