I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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