brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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