I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
