Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
