What did we do last night that was yellow?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
