the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
