at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
