just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
