drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize