Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
