She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
porn star boner night. come get it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
