I need help removing her.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
