im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize