i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
