1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize