i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
