sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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