My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
