I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
