I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
