i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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