Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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