oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize