just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
