It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
