I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
