i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
