she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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