you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
