Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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