I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
