ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
