Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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