sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
