I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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