just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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