The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
