She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sarcasm needs its own font
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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