Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We left the knife in your bed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
