I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
