No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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