a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
