we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I believe in your delicious
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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