Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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