Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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