so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
