I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
