Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
