So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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