He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
