Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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