i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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