you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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