Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
