Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
