He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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