My hand turned me down
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
