thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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