FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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