Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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