my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
