I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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