...so i touched it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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