Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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